Monday, November 28, 2005

More Homeschool Humor....

Top 10 Advantages to Homeschooling
10. If you can't find matching socks for your child first thing in the morning, who care?
9. Cleaning out the refrigerator can double as chemistry lab.
8. Your kids have good reason to think they might get spanked in school, but no reason to think they'll get beat up by a gang.
7. If the principal gives the teacher a bad evaluation, she can stick her icy feet against his legs at night.
6. You can post the Ten Commandments on your school room wall and won't get sued.
5. You never have to drive your child's forgotton lunch to school.
4. If you get caught talking to yourself, you can calim you're having a parent-teacher conference.
3. The only debate about the school lunch program is whose turn it is to cook.
2. The teacher gets to kiss the prinipal in the faculty lounge and no one gossips.
1. If your child claims that the dog ate his homework, you can ask the dog.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

For your amusement.....


The big gripe at PTA meetings today is that such reading matter as Dick Dare and Dick and Jane are not important or educational enough for elementary school children. Here is how we propose first-graders be exposed to the world's important literature.

See the man. What a funny man. His name is Hamlet. He is a prince. He is sad. Why are you sad, Hamlet?

"I am sad for my father has died" says Hamlet. "My father was the king."

Where are you going, Hamlet?

"I am going to the castle," says Hamlet.

On the way he meets a ghost. "Where are you going?" asks the ghost.

"I am going to the castle." says Hamlet

"Boo, Boo" says the ghost.

"What is you name, you silly ghost?" asks Hamlet clapping his hands.

"I am your father," says the ghost. "I was a good king. Uncle Claudius is a bad king. He gave me poison. Would you like poison?"

"Oh, no," says Hamlet. "I would not like poison."

"Will you avenge me, Hamlet?" says the ghost.

"Oh yes," says Hamlet. "I will avenge you. What fun it will be to avenge you."

On the way he meets a girl.

"Where are you going ?" asks the girl.

"I am going to the castle," says Hamlet.

"Ha, ha," says the girl.

"What is your name?" asks Hamlet.

"My name is Ophelia," says the girl.

"Why are you laughing?" asks Hamlet. "You are a silly goose."

"I laugh because you are so funny," says Ophelia. "I laugh because you are schizophrenic. Are you schizophrenic?"

"I am not schizophrenic," says Hamlet, laughing and clapping his hands.

"I pretended I am a schizophrenic. I pretend, for what to fool my uncle. What fun it is to pretend that I am a schizophrenic."

See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.

He is going to his mother's room.

"Oh, I have something to tell you mother." says Hamlet. "Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good. I do not like poison. Do you like poison?"

"Oh, no indeed!" says his mother. "I do not like poison."

"Oh, there is Uncle Claudius," says Hamlet. "He is hiding behind the curtain. Why is he hiding behind the curtain? I shall stab him. What fun it will be to stab him through the curtain."

See Hamlet draw his sword. See Hamlet stab.

Stab, Hamlet, stab.

See Uncle Claudius's blood gush.

Gush, blood, gush.

See Uncle Claudius fall. How funny he looks, stabbed.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

But it is not Uncle Claudius.

It is Polonius. Polonius is Ophelia's father.

What fun Hamlet is having.

"You are naughty, Hamlet," says Hamlet's mother. "You have stabbed Polonius."

But Hamlet's mother is not cross. She loves Hamlet. He is a good boy.

And Hamlet loves his mother. She is a good mother. Hamlet loves his mother very much.

Hamlet loves his mother very, very much.

Does Hamlet love his mother a little too much?


See Hamlet run, Run, Hamlet, run.

Where are you going Hamlet?

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius."

On the way he passes a brook. In the brook he sees Ophelia.

Ophelia is drowning.

"Where are you going?" asks the man.

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius."

"Oh ho! I am Laertes," says the man. "Let us draw swords. Let us duel."

"I don't think I'm going to find Uncle Claudius," says Hamlet.

See Hamlet and Laertes duel.

See Hamlet stab Laertes.

See Hamlet's mother drink poison.

See Hamlet stab King Claudius.

See everybody wounded and bleeding and dying and dead.

What fun they are having!

Wouldn't you like to play like that?

(via: Bettnet)

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

You know you're a Catholic nerd when....

The speaker at your Confirmation class asks if anyone (out of about 45 teens) uses the word "heresy" in everyday conversation and you and one other friend are the only ones who raise their hands. (Very proudly, I might add.)

Special thanks to my equally nerdy sisters, and Bob the Inquisitor.

Saint Jen of Arc....

Thanks to Mom for my fairly elaborate costume.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Homeschool Humor.....

Well, I was going to post a picture of my All Saint's Day costume as Joan of Arc, but blogger is acting up, so I can't get pictures to work. So, in the mean time I thought I would share an amusing homeschooler jokes that I read in The Holy Family Newsletter.

How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?
First, Mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.
Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.
Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a $5 bill.
On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the $5 bill.
Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.
And there is light.

At least, I thought it was funny.